What to Expect When You’re Expecting: Uncompromising Rigidity

How many of us are selfish and want our own way? (Yes, you better be raising your hand because we all are.)

found via Google

Found Via Google

found via Google

Truth: When two people hop into a relationship, they are saying, “Hey, let’s do (at least some) stuff together.” They aren’t always going to agree and they aren’t always going to want to give in. Couples don’t have to do everything together. But if you never agree and never compromise then you aren’t in a relationship. You are roommates… maybe.

You cannot expect your partner to change or do things. We cannot change other’s – only ourselves. This means that you, yes you, must be the one to compromise. DON’T GIVE YOUR PARTNER A LOOK RIGHT NOW!

You have to be the one to change your mind.

When Andy and I first got married, I had a very definite way I wanted the house kept. When he didn’t meet that expectation, I had three options: divorce him, keep up the house myself with no expection for him to help, change my mind about how the house should be kept. Option 2 and option 3 are equally acceptable in this situation. Do not expect you partner to do anything. Either do it yourself or give up the expectation that it should be done.

What to Expect When You’re Expecting: Incompatability

There are a few things that one should expect in a relationship – mutual respect for one. A person should be able to be in a relationship and expect not to be cheated on. They should also feel free from abuse – verbal, mental, and physical.

image found via google

One thing that puts relationships on the rocks from the get go is when one person is “saving” the other. There is no thought for compatibility. You must realize from the beginning that if you are either being saved or saving, this relationship is doomed. You cannot save someone (with a romantic relationship OR a friendship or any type of relationship) from poverty, depression, mental illness, or addiction. A person who is saved by another is automatically obligated to that person, no matter how much that savior insists they are not. A person who saves someone automatically has the expectation that the saved person will not fall back into the pit they were pulled out of and there is to much hurt when they do to not create relationship killing tension.

image found via google

Real compatibility must be free of expectation. This means that there are common interests but no expectation for someone who is not a camper to become one once the relationship has been going for a while.  There may be inside jokes between a couple but there can be no expectation for a partner to make your day better by being funny.

Do not expect someone to convert to your religion or keep your customs. Do not expect a partner to want to honor every family tradition you are used to. Do not expect an understanding of a culture someone did not grow up in.

Image found via Google

I’m not saying that people who do not share a common religion, race and/or culture should not be together but if you find a special someone and expect them to move to another country, join a new church or learn to cook a new cuisine just to satisfy you, you are kidding yourself.

What do you think? Am I totally off base? Should we expect someone to change themselves for us? Are my rules unreasonable?

Small Town Living – Relationships

Listening to a client who came into the store, I heard this statement, “I just don’t have time to waste on things I don’t care about. I only spend time on activities I really enjoy.”

Interesting. So I assume you are a recluse then? You don’t have many friends? You don’t find it easy to foster relationships with people? Are you happy being alone with your passions? If that’s true, more power to you! I know there are introverts who need time away from others to recharge. But does that really mean they want to be alone and without friends? FOREVER?! ALL THE TIME?! I doubt it.

If you only spend time on activites/passions that are important to YOU, you will rarely, if ever find it easy to foster relationships with people around you. How many yous are there out there? How many people are going to connect with you on every activity that you find important?

Small Town Life – Ice cream for breakfast?

I have started making smoothies for breakfast. I love it. One banana, milk and a smattering of frozen fruit. The other day, I saw that my bananas weren’t going to make it through to the next smoothy so I froze several just to not be wasteful. This morning, I used the frozen banana and WHAT? It makes the smoothy way smoother. It’s like having ice cream for breakfast. Try it. I’m telling you! It’s AWESOME!!!

Small Town Life – An Old Dog

I hear the phrase “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” used in reference to humans alot. I just want to put it out there that we are not dogs. Humans are humans! Therefore, no matter how old we are we should be capable of learning new tricks.

My grandmother was gifted an iPad by her children (who I was amazed were using iPads themselves as they are in their 60’s and rather resistant to technology). At first she hated it. I just wasn’t working well for her. Touch screens take some getting used to and well, it’s not fun to get used to them. I, myself, was a little nervous about my first touch screen device.

However, after many months of just keeping at it (mostly because her grandson was on the computer so much), grandma got the hang of the iPad and now spends a significant amount of her time using it for the various functions it’s good for. She peruses Facebook, keeping up with her kids and grandkids and great-grandkids (no doubt reading this very post). She maintains a Netflix account and does online banking. (She also golfs almost daily.)

When she first started doing adult things like paying bills, she was writing personal checks and keeping accounts in a ledger. Now she’s using her iPad for all of that old stuff she used to do. She’s in her 80s. Now, I would never presume to call her old but I will say that she learned a new trick and I hope to stay that open minded. I want to always learn new tricks and never have it said of my that I’m an old dog.

Small Town Living – Lazy Day

Nestle Tollhouse has taken the ? out of the perfect chocolate chip cookie. They found it and printed it right on the side of their impossibley awesome chocolate chips. Not only did they find the recipe but they put it right in the spot where you will always be able to find it and never lose it or even have to look it up in your favorite cook book.

People still had trouble so they went a step further and made the dough, packaged it and put it in the refrigerator aisle so all you have to do it buy the dough and bake it off. You can buy it by the tub. You can even skip the baking and just eat the dough!

But people still didn’t want to take the time.

Several weeks ago, Nestle Tollhouse put in a OUTLET where all they do it make this refrigerated dough up into the actual cookie and serve it with milk. Yup… That used to just be grandma’s house.

Small Town Living – Street Fair

Small Town has a street fair that is popular with EVERYONE every year. It is the one even where you are assured to see anyone and everyone. We live within walking distance of the venue so every year we invite people to bring their kids to the house and I paint their faces (because the face painting at the event is woefully inadequate and outrageously expensive.) Then we walk over and peruse the booths, get a turkey leg, pretend like we are pirates and leave, completely broke.

This year is an election year and we saw every candidate that was up for election handing out flyers and recruiting votes. It was very interesting. The republican booth was clear across the park from the democrat booth. However, everyone was in the middle of the park kinda hanging out and chatting. It was all very amicable.

It’s nice to see that however strongly people may feel about their politics, they can still interact kindly and just have a nice conversation.

Small Town Life – The one handed wonder

I have discovered that I have more time on my hands now that I’m a dairy. While feeding the baby, there is little else for me to do than watch TV or read blogs. However, the blogs I read almost always stir up comments in my brain but I can only type with one hand or thumb as the device may be. Therefore, my comments are always unsatisfactorily short and/sadly under developed. I believe this may be keeping me out of trouble as I can wax rather eloquent in the comment section and inadvertently drive away those I would rather build relationships with. Therefore, I thank my lucky stars for my situational disability to go nuts on your (the blogging world) comment sections. BLOG ON! I have nothing better to do than read all your thoughts and I’m LOVING IT!!!

Here are a few of my favorite Bloggers!!!

Long and luxe

Journey of Kylie

The Culture Monk

Chapter TK

Small Town Life – Delivery

If Small Town Life has taught me anything, it’s that food is the only way to react to anything. This spring has been a time of going out and coming in life. There have been several deaths in the church and my family and around town and basically, the whole town reacts with food. They make freezer meals and bring them over or just come with a meal that’s ready for that night. If someone dies, you won’t have to cook in that house for a month. 

Of course, we had a baby this spring and that same thing happened. FOOD! It’s awesome

Truth: What else can we do when we want to support those who are going through something? Either a new something or a sad something or whatever. Food delivery is standard because it helps in several ways.

1. Usually, food is delivered in throw away containers. This means, if you have paper plates, no dishes. As a new mother and also someone who has dealt with a death in the family and severe illness in the family, I can attest to the awesomeness of not having to do dishes!

2. Having food delivered saves money. When you are dealing with a new expense of some kind (a baby or a funeral or hospital billls), having food delivered saves money. Maybe not alot of money but some and every little bit helps.

3. It is one less decision that has to be made. Have you ever been in the situation where one more decision will throw you over the edge? After having a baby or deciding on someone’s end of life wishes, deciding what to have for dinner is just one more thing and it might be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

So, to all those ladies who organize meals for people in the church or community – keep on keeping on. If you are one of the people in the crowd – sign up. That one meal makes a world of difference to those who are hurting, busy, or just plain overwhelmed.

Small Town Living – Gladys

My father lives in a small town and gets all the local gossip from his barber!!!

In this town there is a lady – let’s call her Gladys – who knows everything about everybody. She grew up in the depression and post depression era. There are three generations of her family living in town. Her husband and her lived in the same house for a very long time and when they sold it, she left a long letter explaining the lifestyle and nuance of each and every neighbor for the next owner. She knows everyone and all their gossip from back until the 30’s. It’s amazing. Recently she was in the shop and (mind, we are not a big shop) she literally could not leave as everyone else who came in had to be spoken to and visited with.

This is true for so many of our little town people. They have lived her forever. They know everything about people. It’s amazing!

Truth: Most likely I will be this lady some day. I’m probably never really leaving this town. It’s my home. I love it here despite the fact there is nowhere to shop and no where to eat out. It’s my town.

I am Gladys…

Pine Cone & Frost

Purple Aster