Recently I was reading Kylie’s blog and she wrote asking whether love at first sight existed.
The answer is no.
Like at first sight exists. Sex appeal at first sight exists. Attraction at first sight exists.
I remember reading a romance novel (Don’t do it. They are full of lies!). It proclaimed that the lovers had been together for years and heatwaves still engulfed the heroine every time she touched her hairy chested man.
When I first met Andy, I wanted to kiss him. When his hand first touched mine, there was a shock that went through my body. But none of that was stuff that hadn’t happened before with other boyfriends.
Attraction is not a choice. Attraction is an instinct and those shock waves will subside like they do with every other relationship.
What makes my relationship with Andy unique from all the others is the CHOICE to love him. I choose everyday that I’m living with someone other than me in a manner that is not my instinct to LOVE him. To cherish him. Our LOVE is not shocking. It’s comfortable.
It’s him getting up in the morning and making coffee for me because he knows I can barely function without it. It’s me taking time out of my day to look at his photos every time he posts them. It’s him setting up the tent, doing all the camp work, and then taking down the tent all while I sit in the car with the kids because he knows I hate camping. It’s me tolerating camping. It’s him cleaning up the house when it’s not what he wants to do. It’s me not getting mad that our work and leisure hours rarely line up. It’s us snuggling in bed with three wiggly children together. It’s me ignoring hair in the sink, socks on the floor and food left out on the counter.
It is him sacrificing himself for me and me sacrificing myself for him. If I’m giving 100% and he’s giving 100%, we are both getting 100%. Love is not 50/50.
Love is a conscious choice. It’s not hard… at least it isn’t for me. But it is a choice every day because infatuation wears off and what is left can be tossed aside as you search for those fireworks again in a different relationship or you can stoke the embers of love (there is still hot and heavy every now and then, it’s just not the same) with choices to sacrifice yourself everyday.
There is a local guy who started a very successful brewery. He has a bar and grill attached. Right across the street this year, opened up a big box type chain coffee place. (Not Starbucks…)
Knowing the logistics of all this, simply because it’s Small Town and we know everything about everyone, I’m not sure who I’m rooting for. Big Box was opened by a transplant from California who, trying to escape the high cost of living and taxes on the Sunny West Coast, sold everything and invested what would seem to be an insane amount of money to us in Small Town, in Big Box. I feel sorry for her even if she is a transplant simply because this Big Box is… maybe not going to make it and she might lose everything. Just because you are part of a franchise doesn’t exempt you from failure and her failure is very possibly imminent as… Local Guy opened up a coffee shop directly across from her, adding on to his already successful business, only days after Big Box had their grand opening. Now, all is fair in love and big business. Local guy started his business from scratch, not Big Box recipe book and he has the equipment and the know how and the local presence to succeed in the coffee business in this town. Big Box can’t even get the recipe right as they are all very new to the whole thing. It makes me wonder why she even decided on this business that she seemingly knows nothing about.
Local guy is roasting his own coffee and making local food and basically, he’s blowing her frozen and baked fresh every morning cookies out of the water. He is also very gracious about her business. He states that he believes there is enough business in this town for the both of them. Maybe he’s right. They aren’t doing EXACTLY the same thing. He’s doing everything and she’s doing… a little bit of stuff.
Frankly, I see Local Guys place as a new hang out that is very close to my house and is going to be AWESOME and Big Box as being a place a take my kids every now and then to get a quick cookie and a scoop of ice cream. Here are a few pics of Local Guys place. It’s pretty awesome. His coffee is exceptional and the food… well, I’m very picky so I think it’s going to take some getting used to but the coffee alone is a reason to go there.
There is a coffee shop I go to. I’m getting to be kind of a regular there. The lady who owns it recognizes me now. There is a group of old guys that get together there and chat about life. They discuss the towns business and undoubtedly they have seen our little hamlet change and morph in ways I can only imagine. When I see them, I imagine they are like a group of Jewish leaders getting together by the gate of the city and discussing politics and theology. They have seen so much in the world. I notice when someone is not in the group anymore. I know if one has gone into a nursing home or died. More come and take their place. It’s comforting to see that this community will be there when I’m of retirement age… I hope.
Will our generation be this tight in real life or will we sit at home posting to Facebook or whatever social media has taken it’s place?
Will it matter that I live in a small town then? Will we have practiced spending time together in real life enough to spend our retirement connecting in a way we never could when we were child laden, working and bustling around the world? Or will we be so out of practice in seeing another human face to face that we will hole up in our homes and not know how to function?
For now… I’m going to get a bit of sleep before my world starts to spin out of control in the morning. *all images found on google
I sat down with another mommy the other day to shoot the breeze in the coffee shop and we of course were talking about parenting…
Well, I was talking. She was listening.
I talked about how I just feel like I’m not the mommy who plays with her kids and I’m not the mommy who wants to do all this “mommy” stuff. It’s hard to be a Pinterest mommy. Those mothers who do projects, homeschool, keep a perfect house, are organized and are able to just embrace being a Stay At Home Mom are amazing. It’s really a job… a job that I don’t want. It’s one that some are amazing at.
I can’t play the violin. I never really wanted to play the violin. I love watching people play the violin. It’s an amazing instrument but it’s not my gift. I’m ok with that.
Why am I not ok with being a working mom? Why do I feel guilty because I’d rather do dishes and cook dinner than play barbies? Why do I feel guilty that I’d rather be at work and make money and run my business than be at home doing crafts and taking the kids to the park?
I love watching them grow. I do the best I can to maximize the few hours in the evening I have with them but… I’m just not THAT mommy.
Andy and I can’t do finances together. It’s not like we don’t talk about purchases or debt or collaborate on what to spend money on but… he’s in charge and I’m good with that. However, lately, we have been a little tight and not knowing everything about the money, I’m still aware of that. Needless to say, when I came home from work and saw a new camera lens on the counter, I wondered, just for a second, if he had gone mad. I mean, it looked like an expensive lens. I didn’t get a close look. Just glanced and said, “Is that new?”
“Hmmm…” and I was back out to work. I let it go…. mostly.
The next day I was at lunch and perusing Facebook and saw his post about the new mug and out loud started laughing.
“Is that a MUG?!”
“Yeah. You thought it was a real lens?”
Come on, from far away and without close inspection, it could totally pass for a lens!