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Twitter Mouth

I was glancing at Sports Center as my husband soaked in every little bit of “news” from the show and noticed a former coach turned Sports Center commentator who was giving a speech to some professional athletes. He was saying that the most evil thing that ever hit professional sports was…

…Twitter!

That right.

“Every time you have an injury, a career changing conversation, or an inflamitory thought, you are there typing it out with your thumbs. I need to make a button that says ‘DON’T SEND.’ You need to think twice before you hit ‘SEND,’ because the second you push that little button, du-na-na du-na-na (that’s the Sports Center news break sound), it’s out there. We’ve got it!”

That’s the thing about Facebook, Twitter and yes… even blogging. Whenever I have a thought, I start to write it down. My mother used to say, “Think before you speak.” That doesn’t quite seem to apply in the same way. More and more and more I’m having to edit myself when I WRITE/TYPE. I have to decide whether I want EVERYTHING out there or not. I’m not a professional athlete. I’m not famous in any way but simply because it’s the internet and anyone can read what I’m putting out there, I still have to consider: What am I sending this out into cyberspace for? Is it for dramatic effect? Is it to work through some issues? Will it hurt someone? Will it hurt me? Is that what I’m about? Is that what this blog is about?

These questions haunt all bloggers and chronic facebook updaters and tweeters.

So ask yourself – Are you reading twice before you tweet?

Why aren’t you like the early church?

I was discussing with someone why the current model of the church isn’t following the early church model and have been formulating a coherent thought about it ever since.

Why aren’t Christians over in war torn countries trying to help? Short answer, we are! There are missionaries from many different organizations who have gone to help the orphans and others. When there is a disaster, Christian organizations are some of the first to respond. In countries like Haiti, organizations have set up permanent residence and are helping on a daily basis, often with no intent to convert but only to offer medical assistance. We don’t hear about these organizations often because they aren’t sensational.

Second answer is this, not all people in the early church or the current model are called to over seas mission. Those who are are talked about in their churches circles and written about in books. Those who stay behind and fund these endeavors are often not talked about at all unless their contribution is huge and considered newsworthy by the sensational new media. Even in the early church there were more who were converted and did mission work in their own towns than left and traveled to convert others. Look at Dorcas, Priscilla and Aquila, Peter’s mother in law and many others. Paul was constantly writing to churches he started and why would he bother if every convert was out on the road prosthelytizing? Some people have to stay home and minister to their own community.

Communal living was a big part of the early church and frankly, the church has to grow with the culture in which it thrives. This communal living may work in countries other than the USA but here, where I live and now, when I live, culture is not at all like what it was when Jesus and his followers started the first group of Christians. (Also remember that people were worshiping God, the same God, long before we were called Christians. Now I am no theologian but just these few insights have changed the way I look at the Bible and its description of how the church should look. However, this should not detract from the message of the Bible and Christianity. We are to spread the message of God’s Love. How that looks and is accomplished is a matter of semantics.

Shoo, TV. here comes Netflix

When I was a kid, TV was a different animal then it is now. My parents would watch the nightly news and would shoo and shush as we scampered all around.

Now days, you can pause, record, and rewind regular TV if you have a DVR. Many Millennials have opted out of expensive cable all together and gone to Hulu or Netflix. The advantage to these being the ability to also fast forward. I watched several shows in just 1 hour because I skipped the parts I felt were superfluous. I don’t care about judges comments. I just want to hear the singing…

For me, this means more time reading, playing the piano or cooking. My children can have my full attention if and when they need it because I can pause or rewind any time I want.

However, seems that Hulu, Netflix and even DVR lend themselves to binge watching, which I also participate in every now and then:

What do you think? Are we better off now or were we better off before?

What to Expect When You’re Expecting: Kids

If you expect that when you get married and have a baby, that baby will be first in both your lives…. get over it now. Babies and kids take up alot of time because they can’t feed themselves and they need to be changed and then they have to be dressed and even when they are partially self sufficient, we can’t boot them out the door at 6 and expect them to be successful. They have to be supported and taught.
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However, this should not take priority over your husband/wife. This has been discussed over and over at length, even by me. I’m not divorced and I don’t have other children that are not Andy’s and he has no other’s that are not mine. It’s hard for me to comment on a situation with which I have no experience but I would venture to say that even when you’re children are not mutual, they should not take priority over your marriage.

One way you can show this to your spouse is by getting some childcare every now and then (weekly is ideal but not always practical), so you can both do something together without the kids. Another way is to not allow the kids to interrupt a conversation between mommy and daddy. Another good way to to set a very strict bedtime (in your room) time for the kids allowing mommy and daddy to have a few minutes alone at the end of everyday to communicate without being asked for snacks, water, help with this project, a story, and/or any other plethora of things they want from you.

What are your ideas? How do you make time for your spouse in a parenting world that makes the kids kings?

What to Expect When You’re Expecting: Fish or Cut Bait

All issues are divorce or get over it. You can discuss. You can argue. You can come to a mutual agreement. You can never come to an agreement. You can fight, yell, cuss, whine and scream. But in the end, no matter what the resolution or NOT, either you get over it or divorce. That’s it.

Couples who never let stuff go, the ones who bring it up over and over, never are happy. Those are the couples who have told the story so many times it’s mindless rote memory. These are the husbands who “tease” their wives and it grinds dirt into an already open wound. These are the wives who have annoyed their husbands with passive aggressive comments until the husbands no longer hear anything they say, tuning out the good and the bad together. These are the people who say, “I don’t care but…” and that “but” negates everything they said before.

The best advice I ever got to let stuff go is to stop telling the story – first out loud to others, and then to yourself. After a while, you won’t even remember whatever the incident was.

Oh, there is not just one incident? It’s a pattern of behavior you say? Well, that’s NOT different! Either you can’t live with it or you are going to live with it. It is soul crushing and relationship killing to not let it go and stay with that partner. It’s like holding someone by the neck tie and yelling and them to get away from you. You have to fish or cut bait.

What to Expect When You’re Expecting: Texts

It’s important to communicate with your partner. Not only is it nice to speak kindly but it’s important to let them in on your life. You cannot be secretive or keep things to yourself or even just forget to check in. You MUST communicate smoothly with your partner. They need to know.

Andy and I text throughout the day. I tell him where I’m going and he tells me the same. I let him know if I’m leaving the house, where I’m headed and if I have an ETA. He lets me know if he’s going to get something to eat or if I need to leave the meal out that I made for the kids so he can have some later. He texts me if he finds that he is not needing to work on a night when I expect him to be working and he lets me know when he’s on his way home just in case I need him to stop at the store for something.

Little things need to be communicated, regardless of whether you think that’s important or not. It is courtesy. It is communication. REMEMBER! Speak. Tell. Don’t make your partner pull things out of you. Offer the information. Be aware of them and their needs.

What to Expect When You’re Expecting: Henpecking

One thing I noticed as I grew up and listened to women gathering around was the henpecking of husbands.

“My husband doesn’t clean up his socks.”

“My husband leaves hair in the sink!”

“My husband always wants to have sex all the time.”

Mercy. There was so much annoyance with these men. Why did they put up with it? I didn’t really want to get married. I mean, my body and culture told me that finding a mate was important but then all this discontent made me think that maybe I should just avoid it. When things started to get serious with Andy, I had alot of doubts and no comfort to be found.

Until one day…

When a lady and I were taking a mid day stroll and she told me how much she loved being married and that her husband was awesome and 12 years later they were happy.

I thought about my parents who are still married after 30 years and my aunts and uncles and Andy’s relatives that are still married. There had to be something there.

I found that when I talked up Andy, I loved him all the more. I found friends who liked to be married and talked about their husbands in a positive way. Since I have been married, I have found more and more people like this.

It’s easy to henpeck. Who doesn’t like a good gripe session “just to clear the air?” But the truth is, this doesn’t make marriage fun. In fact, it magnifies every thing that you are discontented with.

Find the things that your mate does that make you happy and share them when you can. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. If you have something nice, SAY IT! Talk them up because what you talk about when you aren’t around them is what you think about when you are. If you tell your girlfriends that your husband is an amazing dad who plays with the kids, you will go home and notice as soon as he takes time to spend with the children.

Try it and see what happens.

What to Expect When You’re Expecting: Uncompromising Rigidity

How many of us are selfish and want our own way? (Yes, you better be raising your hand because we all are.)

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Stubborn
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found via Google

Truth: When two people hop into a relationship, they are saying, “Hey, let’s do (at least some) stuff together.” They aren’t always going to agree and they aren’t always going to want to give in. Couples don’t have to do everything together. But if you never agree and never compromise then you aren’t in a relationship. You are roommates… maybe.

You cannot expect your partner to change or do things. We cannot change other’s – only ourselves. This means that you, yes you, must be the one to compromise. DON’T GIVE YOUR PARTNER A LOOK RIGHT NOW!

You have to be the one to change your mind.

When Andy and I first got married, I had a very definite way I wanted the house kept. When he didn’t meet that expectation, I had three options: divorce him, keep up the house myself with no expection for him to help, change my mind about how the house should be kept. Option 2 and option 3 are equally acceptable in this situation. Do not expect you partner to do anything. Either do it yourself or give up the expectation that it should be done.