What to Expect When You’re Expecting: Henpecking

One thing I noticed as I grew up and listened to women gathering around was the henpecking of husbands.

“My husband doesn’t clean up his socks.”

“My husband leaves hair in the sink!”

“My husband always wants to have sex all the time.”

Mercy. There was so much annoyance with these men. Why did they put up with it? I didn’t really want to get married. I mean, my body and culture told me that finding a mate was important but then all this discontent made me think that maybe I should just avoid it. When things started to get serious with Andy, I had alot of doubts and no comfort to be found.

Until one day…

When a lady and I were taking a mid day stroll and she told me how much she loved being married and that her husband was awesome and 12 years later they were happy.

I thought about my parents who are still married after 30 years and my aunts and uncles and Andy’s relatives that are still married. There had to be something there.

I found that when I talked up Andy, I loved him all the more. I found friends who liked to be married and talked about their husbands in a positive way. Since I have been married, I have found more and more people like this.

It’s easy to henpeck. Who doesn’t like a good gripe session “just to clear the air?” But the truth is, this doesn’t make marriage fun. In fact, it magnifies every thing that you are discontented with.

Find the things that your mate does that make you happy and share them when you can. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. If you have something nice, SAY IT! Talk them up because what you talk about when you aren’t around them is what you think about when you are. If you tell your girlfriends that your husband is an amazing dad who plays with the kids, you will go home and notice as soon as he takes time to spend with the children.

Try it and see what happens.

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9 thoughts on “What to Expect When You’re Expecting: Henpecking”

  1. Ah, sweet post.

    LOL, henpecked is a real thing in the world, as in chickens will actually peck a rooster to death. We can do that with human men, too, peck at them relentlessly until they just keel over. It’s really a horrible metaphor if you’ve ever raised chickens, but there is some truth to be found there. It’s much better if we can pour some honor into men, lift them up, encourage them. 😉

  2. really nice post. I’m glad you’ve found the secret to a happy marriage. it’s simple, focus on the good. we all have faults, learning to live with them is the real trick. the faults of my “2” x-husbands were beyond peckable, they were devastating… thus I am happily divorced now, lol, but just because I choose horribly, doesn’t mean there aren’t good ones out there… I just think they are all taken!! snapped up quickly by the smart girls!! Welcome to the smart girl club!!! 🙂

    1. Not all marriages are salvageable. Better to be divorced and happy (or not making someone miserable or martyring yourself in misery). Learning to live with things we cannot change is the trick, unless that thing is unacceptable.

      1. It took me years to accept the fact that I had broken a sacred vow, one I took before God, but I read one day in the Bible, that God said “Your husband must obey the Lord, and if he is not, you do not have to obey him…” that was paraphrased terribly I’m sure, but that was the reason I finally divorced both men… or more the reason I can live in peace with God over breaking my vows. I know in my heart he did not want me to live my life with men who lied, cheated, etc., and were not obeying Him. 🙂

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