Recently I was reading Kylie’s blog and she wrote asking whether love at first sight existed.
The answer is no.
Like at first sight exists. Sex appeal at first sight exists. Attraction at first sight exists.
I remember reading a romance novel (Don’t do it. They are full of lies!). It proclaimed that the lovers had been together for years and heatwaves still engulfed the heroine every time she touched her hairy chested man.
When I first met Andy, I wanted to kiss him. When his hand first touched mine, there was a shock that went through my body. But none of that was stuff that hadn’t happened before with other boyfriends.
Attraction is not a choice. Attraction is an instinct and those shock waves will subside like they do with every other relationship.
What makes my relationship with Andy unique from all the others is the CHOICE to love him. I choose everyday that I’m living with someone other than me in a manner that is not my instinct to LOVE him. To cherish him. Our LOVE is not shocking. It’s comfortable.
It’s him getting up in the morning and making coffee for me because he knows I can barely function without it. It’s me taking time out of my day to look at his photos every time he posts them. It’s him setting up the tent, doing all the camp work, and then taking down the tent all while I sit in the car with the kids because he knows I hate camping. It’s me tolerating camping. It’s him cleaning up the house when it’s not what he wants to do. It’s me not getting mad that our work and leisure hours rarely line up. It’s us snuggling in bed with three wiggly children together. It’s me ignoring hair in the sink, socks on the floor and food left out on the counter.
It is him sacrificing himself for me and me sacrificing myself for him. If I’m giving 100% and he’s giving 100%, we are both getting 100%. Love is not 50/50.
Love is a conscious choice. It’s not hard… at least it isn’t for me. But it is a choice every day because infatuation wears off and what is left can be tossed aside as you search for those fireworks again in a different relationship or you can stoke the embers of love (there is still hot and heavy every now and then, it’s just not the same) with choices to sacrifice yourself everyday.
12 thoughts on “Small Town Life – Love at First Sight?”
Hey, thanks for the shout out! I love this. I have never had a significant other, so I really appreciate your insight. “I remember reading a romance novel (Don’t do it. They are full of lies!)” Right?! I am reading one right now (guilty)…
I definitely agree that love is a choice. Maybe I have yet to meet that special someone, but I still make the choice to love people every day, and I make sacrifices for the people I love. I just haven’t experienced that – true sacrificial, giving 100% love – to the extent that I will some day.
Here is a link to the post if anyone wants to add their thoughts: http://journeyofkylie.com/2014/04/24/does-love-at-first-sight-exist/
Truth: I don’t believe in soul mates. I believe that when you decide this one is the one, and they aren’t a total loser, you can choose to make your souls mate. However, I don’t believe God micromanages our lives by making one perfect person in all the world that will be the only one for us and if they get hit by a truck before we ever get together we are SOL. I believe there were many great guys that crossed my path but I was to distracted with my life to see them until Andy. Thank goodness for Andy.
I agree to a point, I grew up reading my Mom’s Harlequin Romance crap novels, and I kid you not, I was in for quite a shock when it came to love. What a load of crap! lol but I do still believe there is love at first sight, but not like infatuation, or like or lust, but the actual love you can feel for someone you don’t even know. It’s like your heart knows this person is good, inside, and can see it. I’ve felt this way about several people I’ve met in life, and love them to this day. Yet, I’ve never been lucky enough to find a man to spend my life with, who gave even 50% or deserved my 100%. oh well, sa la vie, life goes on, and I have some really great friends. I am happy tho, you’ve found one! and I’m glad you are giving it your all, because that’s what it takes! 🙂
I totally believe in that kind of love at first sight.
Lovely post. You talked about love, real love, very well.
Love is a choice, and it’s one we must continue to make every day.
Eeeeee!!!!!!!! You came over to see me! How are the pooches!? I’m loving seeing all the Hard Mutt Life stuff.
This post brought tears to my eyes. Love to your family.