18 | October | 2013 | Life and Photos by Andy

Because Mommy came home with an abundance of energy and patience (WHICH NEVER HAPPENS) and found Daddy neck deep in meal planning/cooking for the week, she took over the duties of clean up. This meant folding laundry while FORCING her children to clean up the mess in the living room. Cate took this opportunity to vent all frustration she has had with life in her three years since the womb and screamed at the top of her lungs through the entire experience using phrases such as “Oh…. this cleaning is making my tummy hurt” and “Why do I have to do this EVERY DAY!” Usually, Mommy just sends her to her room to deal with these emotional outbursts but she was feeling particularly enduring this evening and ignored all pleas to be left alone to color. After 40 minutes, Abby had been particularly helpful and Cate particularly obnoxious about the whole clean up thing and therefore, Abby got paid and Cate got dinner and not a standing order to stay in her room sans food. Mommy thought this was very generous as she had made life almost unendurable for the entire experience.

This only made Cate wail all the louder that she didn’t get any money (She’s three. At this point, it’s just about keeping score not finances.) and finally got ahold of herself after her sister gave her a few coins. (Mommy thinks this was just to SHUT HER UP!) Then, both girls decided they wanted earrings. Now, a little background on the Adams household philosophy on piercings: The grownups have no moral objection to piercing some body parts, however, the choice to do so will be left up to the piercy when they reach a decision making age. This age will be determined by the piercy’s graduating high school with satisfactory grades and achievements showing their maturity and decision making prowess. So for the immediate future, all body piercing is out and thus, earrings are STICKERS!

By their powers combined, the girls decided they could by one sheet of “sticky earrings” and cut it in half averting any issues with unfair usage and such. So Mommy offered to drive said three and five year olds to a few stores to search out the goods.

First Walgreens, where nothing was obtained but much was looked at. Walgreens is ok with young children because you can see almost the whole store from one vantage point – right in front of the security camera TV. Nothing found there so off they went to WALMART!

Walmart is the bane of the existence of many a parent. Visual stimulation, huge aisles, crazy people. It’s kinda hellish. So Mommy insists that the girls hold her hand but lo, the nail polish aisle and all bets are off. Walking through Walmart with kids is like walking through Walmart with two racoons and no leash. Come on, you’ve been in WalMart with kids and thought, “I need a LEASH!” Mommy lets go of Abby’s hand and woosh!, she’s gone. No biggy. She’s not going to leave this section right? She’s enamored with bright pink paint. Where else would she go? MOMMY DOESN’T KNOW! She’s gone. Mommy walks wildly through the ENTIRE STORE dragging a three year old who is calling her sister’s name in a panicky voice and saying very loudly, “ABBY IS LOST AND WE ARE NEVER GOING TO FIND HER!” Mommy is asking people in blue polo’s and name tags that state “How can I help you?” if they have seen a little girl in a red sweater. It’s embarrassing. It’s crazy. It’s FREAKING HER OUT! Suddenly, she hears her name over the loud speaker. Thank goodness as soon as the girls could remember anything, she taught them her full name, daddy’s full name, their own full names and to kick and bite if someone touches them without asking. A very nice lady has found Abby and taken her to the customer service desk. She doesn’t appear to have bite marks and Abby is fine. Mommy quickly and mostly calmly reminds her daughters to stick close, thanks the lady, and asks Cate what Mommy’s whole name is just as a reminder. “Ally Cadams.” We’ll work on that later. Back to shopping.

We peruse the toy aisle and Mommy, even after all that still feels calm and wonders whether daddy put some Vicodin in her pasta tonight, allows the girls to shop as long as they want, pushing every button on every light up toy and telling them the prices on every item and repeating that they have, combined, $2.48. They finally follow her CLOSELY to the sticker aisle, come to an agreement on what stickers will be purchased and get to the check out without incident. While Mommy is dealing with the purchase, the girls proceed to take out every item in the checkout display. Cleanup takes longer than the purchasing. A pony ride at the entrance and finally, they are at the car where the girls have to stop and look at the moon as though they have never seen it before.

Car ride home reveals that sticky earrings are the AWESOME-IST!