If You Give a Two Year Old Some Privacy…

If you give a two year old a bathroom break, she will ask for some privacy.

If you close the door, she will kick off her pants and then get done and not tell you. She will start to pick at the toilet paper thinking about wiping herself.

If she starts to pick at the toilet paper, she will realize how fast it turns and she will gleefully pull off the entire roll, never once using it on her bottom.

If she unrolls all the paper, she will get off the toilet and think where all the paper should go. She will proceed to put it in the toilet and try to flush.

If the toilet doesn’t flush, she will leave it there and think about washing her hands. She will get onto the sink and start to pump out the soap.

If she has soaped up her hands, her feet, her legs and her face, she will turn on the water to rinse off.

If the water is running and she has soap on her legs, she will notice the razor that mommy used to shave her legs earlier and try and shave her legs in the sink leaving a lovely mess everywhere but never being able to get off the guard, she will abandon the idea and think about lotioning up after all this washing up.

If she finds the lotion sitting on the sink, she will proceed to pump out a whole bunch and use the mirror to try and get it evenly over her entire face and body. Some of the lotion will get on the mirror and she will attempt to spread it evenly over the mirror, the sink and the entire counter top. After all this lotioning, which mommy has told her not get in her mouth, she will think about how she CAN moisten her mouth and she will head for the petroleum jelly which she will put on her lips and then try and wipe off the excess from her fingers onto her shirt, the sink, the mirror and the entire lotiony counter top.

If she lotions and moisturizes, she will then realize how slippery this whole thing as become and scream for mommy who will be pulled out of her Facebook induced comma to come and see the whole mess.

“It’s only been 5 minutes!”

If Mommy comes in, she will then put the two year old in the bathtub and proceed to clean up the mess while breathing awfully funny like.

Then, while being dried off, the two year old will ask to go potty and insist that she needs privacy.